You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
