I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
do herpes really smell.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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