he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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