I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
