i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
