No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This is my gift to your gina
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
