Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
