ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
