Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
