Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
