I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
