he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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