remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
