Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
this is an emotional support booty call
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
