we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
