My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
