It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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