my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
