She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
