It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
