he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
