All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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