Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
