I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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