It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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