At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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