if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
