Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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