i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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