It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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