Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
no you cant smoke seaweed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
