kristin has been a bad kristin
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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