So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
