I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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