i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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