Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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