I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
