I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize