I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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