you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
