She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
