Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize