i don't like sucking hair
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
