life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
