dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
