Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
