I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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