I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize