I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
be right there i have to get my cape
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
