you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
