I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
