the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
