i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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