So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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