I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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