i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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