I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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