I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
