Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
