WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
