I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize