i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
