I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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