Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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